Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sober January is a disaster.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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