Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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