I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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