Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
