I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
