Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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