She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
