I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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