trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he shaved USA in his pubs
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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