ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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