If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
