i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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