Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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