and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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