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not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
