so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
