So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
