I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
