I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
