Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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