it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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