I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
