This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
