the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
