i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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