I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
