my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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