Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
