the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize