the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
