Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
