the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
