My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So much rum. So many feels.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
