just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I currently don't understand fingers.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize