We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
