the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
