I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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