Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
