I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
