get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
