i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize