The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
