dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
