I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
