My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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