You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
