Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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