He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
