I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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