You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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