I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
