I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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