Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
