Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
