I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
