didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
