I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
