$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
