He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
