I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
