I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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