i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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