I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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