I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize