the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
