So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
