I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
