just come out here and I will go home with you...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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