What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
