How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
