Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
