So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
