i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
