yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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