so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
