So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dear god my vagina.
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