Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize