Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
