chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
