the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
