So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
