I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
