Soap is not a condiment
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize