Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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