Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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