You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
