No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
