Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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