were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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