Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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