Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
