I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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