If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize