Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And then my night got REAL pukey
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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