I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
