And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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