3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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