this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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