Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
