big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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