i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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